Oh My Oatmeal

“A bachelor’s life is a fine breakfast, a flat lunch, and a miserable dinner.”
Francis Bacon

Oh My Oatmeal

People talk about the health benefits of oatmeal.

But I’m here to talk about time and money. For decades I told myself that I didn’t have the time for breakfast. I’d grab a drive-thru something or two donuts or skip it all and wait until lunch. Lunch time would find me very hungry and I’d eat too much and then be dull-headed for most of the afternoon. Decades.

Oatmeal is instant now. You can buy the big round box for about five dollars. I’d guess you’d get thirty servings. That comes to sixteen cents a meal.

Blink. Read it again. Sixteen cents a meal.

One half a cup of oatmeal, two half cups of water and, in my microwave, two minutes of cook time. Shovel it down in three minutes and that is a literal five minute meal. Rinse your one bowl and one spoon and the day has begun. You spent more time getting dressed.

Faster than a drive-through restaurant, cheaper than two donuts, in fact those two donuts could have bought you a month of breakfasts in oatmeal.

After two months, you’ll have a neat set of bongos for your nephew to bang on.

But, it’s boring, you say.

Can you honestly tell me that you are paying attention to what you are putting in your mouth? You are looking at your phone. But, I’ll go along with it so that you feel better.

In the two minutes that the oatmeal is spinning in your microwave, cut up a banana. Bananas are cheap and, like oatmeal, super healthy (sorry, I know this isn’t about health). The sweet of the banana is great and, somehow, when you eat a banana, you are not hungry for a long time.

I like dark sweet cherries. I buy them frozen because I’m guaranteed that they’ll be ripe and the best. Drag them from the freezer to the fridge the night before. Blueberries are nice. One bag should decorate your oatmeal for about a week. About four bucks a bag, that can add a seventy-five cents to your serving. So, you spent $0.86 on breakfast, big spender!

Or, a pat of butter goes a long way. Less than you’d scrape on toast or about the same. Start with less and work up, you’d be surprised how well it mixes into every bite. Yum.

But, you say, you are a big guy. You need a hearty breakfast. You need three eggs over-medium, hash browns, bacon and toast. If you are going to be lifting bales of hay all morning, I agree. If you are spending your mornings in a chair at a desk, stick with oatmeal.

Okay, if you must be indulged, princess; put some chunks of white cheddar cheese in the bowl, with the water, with the oatmeal, before you nuke it. You’ll be delighted. Cost? Maybe fifty cents.

Really, there is no excuse. Time, speed, health; pick up some instant oatmeal next time you are at the grocery and change your life for the better. One penny, one minute at a time.