“You play the way you practice.”
Pop Warner
Points of Pride
I remember my Mom telling me that I marched to the sound of a different drummer. She didn’t make it sound negative. It was years before I figured out that I wanted to tell her that even though I might march to a different drummer, I am still going the same direction as everyone else.
When you are young, small things can have a big impact. I remember when I was young and entered into Pop Warner football. Maybe eight years old. This is a team sport which is fun with friends.
The coach says to me, “Go on out there, son. Make me proud.”
It shook me up. Who was this fat old man? Is that why I’m here? How dare he call me son! What could I ever care if he is proud of me? When would I want to work for his approval?
Too young to give the middle finger to authority, I quit as soon as I could.
I was offended by his arrogance. I still am. I hear it in the movies or real life, “make me proud” and I stall in my tracks. If that is my motive for doing something, I’d better re-think my circumstance.
I have my own standard and it has nothing to do with the approval and blessing of anyone. I work for the job, not for my boss. If I were in the military, I’d fight for my country; not to make some general proud of me.
It is my own pride that carries me, I need no one else’s.
It is said the pride comes before the fall. Trust me, I have enough doubt and insecurity to keep me safe!
The Profound Bartender 
I make a big effort in avoiding that word – proud – when it comes to our son. I never use proud. Ever. Maybe his own pride, as in, “what a great accomplishment, that must make you feel so happy to see how far you have come, well done in working so hard.” But I dislike, maybe I’d even use the word – loathe, the word proud.
I get happy on my son’s behalf, because I can see his smile when he overcomes a challenge. I have never once said, I am proud.
When he is older, I think I will have a talk about the word on it’s own, because I can hear other parents using it a lot, and I imagine our son will question if we are proud of him too.
I hope I can have an influence on his values, and his own self esteem and sense of self in a way, that he will focus on the effort and development, and less on the results as a stand-alone-thing.
I hope all this made sense, tough to explain deeper issues in another language 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m sure you are having a good influence on your son, he is watching your every move in how you interact with the world; he will copy that – we hope!
LikeLike