Hey Profound Bartender – Your Weekly PB&J

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The Weekly PB & J – The Profound Bartender and Journalism

Hey Mikey, what’s goin’ on around the world this week?

Hey bud, well, I can tell you what’s going on at Dave and Mike’s today.  We got The Poetry Society Groupies’ monthly meeting in Roger’s Meeting Room going on down the hall.  Fun-loving bunch they are, too. The poetry they read is more suggestive than autocorrect. Juicier than a juice bar. I love it when they dress up like their favorite poets.  Imagine that. And after a toddy or two, the poets start to act out.  “I think that I shall never see, a poem so lovely as a tree.”  Oh my, roots and all.  Leaves them hanging. Barking up a song tree. Sorry! I meant to be pithy but this is getting sappy.

(Sighs…) I’ve been working too many hours this week.

Another PBR?

Here y’go.

We also got a special on clean-up-your-own-mess beverages today. I don’t know how to say it – and y’know I really try not to complain to customers (but you’re almost family here bud, you own that barstool), but when teachers come in they just get a little crazy, especially this time of year, y’know?  Especially the junior high teachers.  I guess, y’know, the junior high math teachers, they’re the worst.  They can’t figure out how much to tip and they sure don’t know how to divide the tab.

Had a gaggle of junior high teachers in here just last night. Right, math teachers.  I didn’t get home until three this morning. Doesn’t add up.

But you asked a question?

Yeah, I wanna know what’s happening around the world.

Well, we almost started another war.  We gotta trade war with China, and I guess everyone else.  We were “cocked and loaded” the Prez says, to  bomb Iran. His own Game of Drones, I reckon. Got a war on the environment.  Losing it. Lindsey Graham. Lost it.

The NRA says there’s a War on Guns.  They wish, of course. It’s like the NRA and getting Democrats elected – those guys love it because they can really push gun sales.  When we were in the middle of the Iraqi war I sold one heck of a lot of beer, so I shouldn’t complain when the Prez gets us unto another mess.

Oh, and of course we are in a War on Poverty.

Just kidding!  That was LBJ.

More like a war ON the poor these days.

But the Dems aren’t much better. They got Hope Hicks to testify. The rest of the Prez’ defenders are just laughin’ their ways to the bank. Subpoenas just aren’t what they used to be in the good old days. Or ethics.  Some special investigative office said Kellyanne Conway needed to be fired for politicking in office. The White House blew that off.

Kelly/Machiavelli?/of the Prez’ underbelly.

Sheesh, I’m a poet and the Poetry Society Groupies don’t know it.

Sleepy Joe, no relation to Sloppy Joe, or Joey’s Bar and Grill down the street, managed to wake Cory Booker up.  Between the two, there’s one woke man, I guess. Biden says he knows how to work across the aisles, and that’s good.  But I’m not so sure working with segregationists was the best example he could have used.

Elizabeth Warren, the next Jimmy Carter, has plans.  Yes plans, and plans.  Now everyone is trying to get out some plans.  I like Lizzy, she’s sincere. She’s a wonk.  She’s smart.  But one of my friends is a city planner and I have a day planner and I plan to retire when I’m 72.  So while planning is a good thing, leadership is the best thing.  Well….ethical, moral leadership is the best thing.

Leadership with character…

(With a start) Sorry! You were talking about Washington and I got us off track here.

Kamala Harris?  No news.

O’Rourke? Set up cameras for his latest mani-pedi.

Yang, Swalwell, Moulton, Messam? Spotted tossing papers in Iowa.

Klobuchar, Gillibrand, de Blasio, Inslee?  Hmmm…I think I saw them down at the Poetry Groupies meeting a while ago.

Hickenlooper and Buttigieg?  Heck if I know, I just like their names. They should run as a team.

Yang?  Who?

Sanders?  He’s not a Democrat.  Probably running as an Independent. He’ll get primaried by Jill Stein, maybe.  It’s the Democrat Socialist way, after all.  Everyone participates. Where’s Ross Perot?

Now that you mention it, I’m not sure where Jill Stein is this year.  Hangin’ out at the green, green, grass of home.

Oh, and I hadda guy from the Justice Department drop by for a a cold one on Tuesday and he was fit to be tied.  Seems that dossier everyone is talking about was really the start of the latest James Bond movie script.

How do I know?

I’m a bartender.


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