Sometimes here at the Profound Bartender we try to have a little sense of humor once in a while, so for a scootch of fun we might stretch a story just a wee bit here and there…
Does it irritate you as much as it does me when a waiter drops off your food and says, “Enjoy!”, as if she had just given me tickets to a Springsteen concert?
Is the food going to start entertaining me? The hamburger peek out from under the bun and sing “The sun will come out tomorrow.” The veggies – who are just coming into their own these days – break out into a swing version of “RESPECT.” “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, organic’s what it’s got to be.” The dessert? Well, I don’t even want to think about what the raspberry tart would sing.
Did you hear the one about the cherry tomato who went around the corner and turned into a beefsteak…
At our home my wife does Saturday cleaning. A couple of weeks ago, to help her out, I got the mop from the utility room, to save her some time, gave it to her, and said, “Enjoy….”
If you knew my wife you would know that was a big mistake. She’s tiny, about 5’2” and cute as a bug but once she pulls into the driveway and walks into the house she becomes…Arya Stark from Game of Thrones. So a popular phrase like “enjoy” just doesn’t work with my spouse.
She said, handing me back the mop, “Enjoy? Is this mop going to entertain me?”
I became the Saturday mopper that memorable day.
But “enjoy” wasn’t my only jargonistic miscue. Have you noticed that the politicians have all started to use the word “Look…” to answer a different question than the one they were actually asked?
Senator Rubio, what’s your view of gun control laws, given the recent shooting?
Speaker Ryan, what’s your opinion of the latest tweet from our President?
Vice President Biden, are you considering a run for President?
President Trump, what’s your view of the Miss America contest?
When politicians start with the phrase “Look”, you know they won’t be answering the question they were asked.
Politicians use “Look” so effectively that I thought I’d try it at home. Last Friday I stayed out a little late with some friends from the office. OK, it was a couple of hours late, but I thought to myself, I know how to get around this.
I walk in the door, and there she is. Arya. “Why are you so late dear? Were you out having a beer?”
“Hi darling, great question. Look…”
She hands me the vacuum cleaner and says, “Enjoy!”
Everyone these days is using “Look” to avoid having to answer the question.
I’ve been married 40 years and let me tell you – anything you can do to cut down on the miscommunication is a blessing.
The other day I was mopping the floor and my wife came up to inspect the work and I gave her a big kiss. I said, “Babe, am I still as attractive as I was when we met?”
She stopped for a second, looked me in the eyes, and said,
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